July 24, 2012

• Fights and Prizes

  Our kids fight all the time. 99% of the time, it is a verbal bickering that ebbs and flows throughout the day. Once in awhile, it gets physical – but thankfully, that is the exception.

  One day last week, I snapped after the latest battle over who would get to shower first after swim practice. (SIGH) I got really angry, and basically installed martial law for several hours. (Those little rugrats were so lucky that their grandfather was arriving for a visit that afternoon, or it would have been a much longer reign of the wrath of mom!) After I’d had time to calm down a little, I even had each kid write me a letter telling me 3 things they like about their sibling, so that I would know that under all that fighting, I had taught them to love one another.

  Let’s just say those hastily written letters didn’t really convince me. 

  Fast forward a week to the end of season swim team party.

  For the last two years, our son has been honored with a “coaches award,” essentially for good character. This year, he got another award from the coaches – for sportsmanship. And then he also happened to tie for most points in his age group, thus receiving a second trophy for the same season.

  As you might imagine, this has not helped the sibling rivalry around here.

  Having him receive a single trophy for the third consecutive year would have been bitter enough medicine for our daughter to swallow. But two? That’s just kicking her when she’s down.

  It is a delicate line to walk, as a parent – to show your pride in one and compassion for the other, without stifling the joy of one or belittling the disappointment of the other. I have been walking that line for 2 days now – sometimes with more success than others.

  Our son deserves to be recognized in the ways that he has. There is no way to say this without sounding like a lovesick mama, but he is an amazing kid. He is outgoing without being pushy, sensitive without being weak, a great student without being a brown noser. He is a genuine leader and a fantastic and compassionate friend. Our daughter shares many of those qualities, but is much, much more reserved, and so doesn’t always get credit for them in the same way that he does. 

  He accepted his awards with grace at the party. He has been a tad less graceful at home, with his sister’s delicate feelings.

  She reacted to his awards with dignity at the party. She has been a tad less composed at home, as her brother makes room on his shelf for more trophies.

  Our culture makes it ok for people to brag about sports related honors. This doesn’t seem the case with other, less athletic awards. She has been honored repeatedly for her writing, but she seems unsatisfied by this in comparison to the shiny trophies that come to sportier folks. I understand that feeling in a 10 year old, but keep trying to remind her that summer swim awards are not the end all and be all.

  After another sibling battle this morning (over who got to use the iPad — easy solution….NO ONE DOES), I suggested that they figure out something to do in which they could cooperate and show me that they understood how important it is to me that they figure out how to coexist.

  Ironically, the thing that pulled them together was his trophy collection. She suggested that he display them more prominently in his room, and offered to help him  rearrange some other stuff to make it work. Aside from the fact that one of the design ideas involves an upside down wastebasket used as a display platform — they managed to work together and successfully complete their task. (Well, complete might be a strong word since much of the previously displayed stuff is all over the floor right now – but they are headed in the right direction.)

  See? She’s a pretty good sport, too.

  • 9:29 am
  • 2 Comments